How photography helped me: Celine Marchbank

In BA3a I completed a research report on the therapeutic use of the photograph. The past four of my projects have been created from the grief of losing my mum and how I have coped from her loss. The report included research from the book Beyond the Smile: The Therapeutic Use of the Photograph by Linda Berman. I knew for myself that a photograph was therapeutic. I have many photographs of my mother and looking at them makes me happy, sometimes emotional but mostly reminds me of the better times rather than when she was ill and suffering. It was interesting to read the book and see where else a photograph has helped someone, and not necessarily for those who have lost someone they love but also when relationships aren't great within a family. 

Whilst caring for her mum, Celine Marchbank decided to use that time to photograph the last few moments she had with her mother before she passed. Everyday during the year she was diagnosed, Celine would take a few photographs of small details of things that will go when her mother does. As well as photography she also found that writing helped her to make sense of her mother dying. She struggled to talk to friends and family. Therefore decided to start a public blog, where she would share a few images and write about what was happening. She wrote that it felt like a release and found it helped her. 

Within that year she took many photographs. Soon after her mothers death she began to edit the photographs once knowing she wanted to make a book from them. At the time she wasn't sure why she wanted to do that, but felt that it could be a distraction. 5 years after her mother passed she published a book called Tulip, named after her mothers favourite flower. 

When her mother passed she was left to clear out her home. She noticed things that she had photographed in her Tulip project, but she felt differently about them. This didn't stop her from taking photographs however. Even though she was unsure why she wanted to photograph the last few months of her mothers life she just felt a need to record it all. She continued to photograph after her mothers death. She wrote about grief to help her understand it. The photographs that she took helped her to try and remember her mother. There was something about photographing before and after that helped her to release some feelings and emotions. 

After Tulip she then went on to making A Stranger in My Mother's Kitchen. She found her mother's recipes and remembered her mother teaching her how to cook. She photographed along the way as she was reminded during the pack-up and decided that she wanted to put the images into a book. That way she felt she had provided herself with an ending. Being able to say goodbye to grief. 

Being a photographer who has documented about their loss, it is interesting to see the different approaches other photographers take. Celine only included in her photographs for Tulip her mother, her favourite flowers and anything that she knew would be gone when her mother does. I on the other hand included my family that were effected by my mothers loss and brought in objects of hers that I remember her fondly using or wearing. I also started photographing about my loss several years later once I found an interest for it. However before picking up photography in college I would always take photos on my phone and look at the ones that I have of my mother. Each approach to the topic of death is so uniquely different and represents the individual that is no longer with us. It is such a lovely thing to be able to photograph about someone even though they aren't with us. Yet it is a very upsetting time to go through the power of photography and how it can help one is amazing. 

https://photovoice.org/how-photography-helped-me-celine-marchbank/ 

There's an interview with Celine on The Plus Paper about love, loss and catharsis. I read up on that and found a few questions/answers that were interesting to see how others felt about creating worked based on the loss of their loved ones.

Celine says that Tulip was a hard project to do at such a difficult time. She knew she didn't want to concentrate on her mother dying but more about the time she had left with her. But when her mother was really struggling she wouldn't take any pictures to respect her needs. As she mentioned earlier that she didn't want to capture her dying therefore her struggling would only remind her of that rather than the better times shared with her.

Her mother was the subject, therefore how did she feel about her photograph being taken when she was dying? Her mother was very open about the idea. It made her feel she was doing something in return to Celine for caring for her. She felt guilty about her illness. Therefore that was their agreement.

How do you think art helps you deal with loss? Celine is unable work out whether the project removed the pain or made her feel more affected by it. Since Tulips her work has continued to explore emotions. It was a way for her to process the grief and sadness. Each personal project had connections to her grief. She would also write about it on a public blog which being able to speak out on there made her feel better. Especially as she didn't like speaking to her friends or family about it.

http://www.thepluspaper.com/2016/02/19/love-loss-and-catharsis/